Family Connection Archives

Being-Kicked-Out-Of-His-Long-Term-Care-Home-1200x675.jpg

The day begins, busy as usual at nursing home.

Ann arrived at her office early to sort and organize her files that she’s going to need for the day. Suddenly, the phone rings, interrupting her work.

“Hey John, what’s going on?” Ann asked as she answered the phone. John is Ann’s brother, and he never calls her on weekday mornings, so she knew that something unusual must have happened.

“I just received a call from the nursing home,” replied John. “The staff told me that dad is going to be be evicted.”

“What? What for?” asked Ann, shocked.

“They said he always screams and is rude to the caregivers and other residents. He always says he wants to leave,” he explained

“Did you argue with them?” asked Ann, irritated. John, you know that’s the dementia talking. He can’t help it. What they’re doing is just so unfair and cold-blooded!”

Ann hung up the phone. She felt angry, confused and ashamed, all at the same time.

We know situations like this are awful, and it makes people angry, too. But it does happen. Today, we’ll discuss about becoming evicted from a long-term care home and what we can do to safeguard our loved ones if this happens.

Why Nursing Home Evicted Residents:

Normally speaking, a nursing home can’t evict a resident and there are regulations to prevent this from happening. However, if the reason for eviction falls under the exemptions to the law, their actions may be justified.

If the nursing home follows regulations carefully, their eviction will be legal. The common exemptions of eviction would be as follows.

Financial Issues

If the resident is not able to pay the bill, and his or her health benefits don’t apply in the nursing home, it could be the reason for eviction. However, there are always government funded assisted living homes that could help low-income seniors.

Behavioral Issues That Create Risks For Other’s Health and Safety

Although most nursing homes have developed senior behaviour management strategies, if the senior’s behaviour is hard to control and causes a threat to other residents and the staff, the home will have sufficient reason to ask the resident to leave.

Nursing Homes Can No Longer Meet the Medical Needs

If the resident needs more personal care and personal assistance, and these needs cannot be provided by the nursing home, the home will suggest his or her family to transfer the resident somewhere else that can assist them better.

The Home is Closing Down

It is obvious – if the nursing home is going out of business, no one is going to stay!

What Is There To Do When Facing Eviction?

Understand Your Loved One’s Situation

If the nursing home that your loved one resides in states that they can “no longer meet his or her needs”, ask them what excatly has made them come up with the decision, and explain what type of care your loved one actually needs. Is it because your loved one’s situation is too severe that the nursing home doesn’t carry enough resources to make their quality of life sustainable? Or do they think that your loved one has regained her or his health so nursing care is no longer needed? If so, what situation is your loved one is facing and what type of long-term care do they suggest you to consider?

The nursing home should have a justified reason to propose an eviction, so you can make better relocation choices according to your loved one’s health condition.

Find A New Home

Not all eviction is legal; some involuntary eviction is actually against laws that protects senior citizens. In that, you have rights to ask the nursing home to transfer your family somewhere else that can “meet their needs”. When transferring to another home, try to be honest about your loved one’s situation. We understand that occasionally families minimise their loved ones’ health conditions in order for the community to accept them, but this is not beneficial in the long term – you never want your loved one to transfer from one place to another on a regular basis.

Find Home Care

Home care is quite a good alternative for families that love to keep their loved ones at home. If nursing homes make you upset, it is time to consider hiring a caregiver for your loved one and let him or her enjoy family vibes. In our blog post “In-Home Care vs. Nursing Homes: Which One is Better?”, we have summarized the pros and cons of each option, so feel free to check it out if you are undecided.

What If I Don’t Agree with Their Decision?

Assessing The Eviction: carefully assess written notice given 30-60 days in advance, a summary of reasons for eviction, and post-discharge plan (alternative care)
Appealing the Fischarge: to appeak, contact the local ombudsman, get a lawyer involved, or ask for legal aid.

In order to have voluntary eviction, the eviction notice should contain the following:

Written notice given 30 days in advance
A summary of reasons for eviction
Post-discharge plan of alternative care
The full contact information of ombudsman program

If you are not satisfied with the eviction, you can always appeal an involuntary discharge notice, and it is your right to do it.

Internal appeals are available in some homes. However, if internal appeal does not fix your issue, or the home doesn’t have an internal appeal process, it is time to look for a local ombudsman and ask for their help – helping residents in assisted living communities and resolving problems with other senior living communities are their primary responsibilities.

A lawyer could also be useful in this situation. They can ensure that the home is not trying to skirt the law, and it is better to seek legal representation as soon as you get the result.

At the End:

Being kicked out of a long-term care home could definitely be stressful for the senior’s family, but there are ways to defend our loved one’s right of being a resident and protect them. Sometimes leaving is not necessarily a bad thing: You can still have lots of alternatives to choose from, and provide your loved one a happy, healthy lifestyle. Remember, always allow yourself and your family to breathe – take your time, don’t add pressure on your loved one, and get professional help if you need it.

References:

https://ncler.acl.gov/getattachment/Legal-Training/upcoming_event/Basics-NH-Evictions-Practice-Tip.pdf.aspx?lang=en-US

True love can happen at any age.

Jay’s wife died 12 years ago, however they had separated many years before her death. Just when everyone thought Jay would “die alone”, he found “the one” just two weeks after moving into a long-term care home.

“Rose is a special woman,” gushed Jay to his family and friends. “I never really thought I could fall for someone after 50.”

Actually, everyone knew Jay met someone before he started talking about her. He started buying flowers, paying much more attention to his looks, and always had a smile on his face. These are all telltale signs to indicate that someone is in love.

Doing all kinds of romantic things with Rose makes Jay feel young again; however, there is one topic that can’t be avoided, especially with elderly lovers: SEX. This has been bothering Jay for a while.

“We love cuddling naked and fondling one another, but I can’t stop thinking about how old I am,” continued Jay, shyly.

“We have a couple age-related concerns when it comes to sex, but it is a little embarrassing mentioning it to others. An 80-year-old man wanting to have sex? It would make people’s jaws drop!”

It’s not uncommon that Jay possesses such a thought. Sex is a relatively sensitive topic itself. However, people more so tend to intentionally ignore the sexual needs of the elderly because it is uncomfortabl. This is why some seniors feel embarrassed to even put it on the table.

There are some beliefs about sex in seniors that are commonly held by society, and not all of them are true.

Common Beliefs of Sex in Old Age. What’s Wrong & What’s Right?

Wrong:

Sex Is For the Young

It is right that sexual functioning declines after middle age, but sex is never just for young people to enjoy. In fact, a study at Duke University has shown that 30% of married couples over 75 years old are still sexually active.

Old People Are Not Interested In Sex

Human sex interest can start as early as age 10 to 12, and last throughout life. In fact, according to statistics from the same study, 50% of 80-year-olds still have moderate libido.

Right:

There Are Physical Restrictions

Changes in physical conditions after you age does limit your sex performance and safety. For women, a change in hormone level in old age will cause the vaginal walls to become thinner and drier, and thus more prone to viruses and bacteria. For men, erectile dysfunction is common in old age. Losing feelings in the genital area and a decrease in sex drive will happen when humans hit a certain age, and it is completely normal.

There Will Be Emotional Barriers

In men, the most common emotional barrier is worrying about sexual performance. While in women, the most common concern is body image and a fear of being unattractive to their partners. The effect of psychological barriers are still less than the impact of physical challenges, which will further decrease the chances of having a satisfying sex life.

However, having challenges doesn’t mean that good sex doesn’t exist after you enter old age. We at CareStory did our research, and found some pointers to overcome these challenges, and help you to have a healthy sex after 60!

How To Overcome Challenges

Nutrition and Exercise

When it comes to intense feelings from sex, no matter if you are male or female, it’s all about blood flow. Some foods containing antioxidants, such as dark chocolate, can boost your blood circulation and give you stronger feelings of arousal. Also, exercising three times a week can greatly enhance your stamina and libido. So, stop being a couch potato! Step foot in a gym and get active!

Use Non-Penetrating Methods

Sex without intercourse can still be considered “good sex”. Skin on skin touching or doing full-body massages can also provide satisfying sensations. This especially works for women. Clitoral stimulation, for example, can help most women reach orgasm. Teasing and exploring each other’s bodies can also ignite the joys of sex.

Explore More Positions

Diseases such as arthritis causes pain and can make many sex positions uncomfortable. So, it is important to discover more positions with your partner that help to alleviate pain but also allow you to be active.

Speak To Health Care Providers (Family Doctor, Sex Therapists)

Some of your health care providers, such as your family doctor or a nurse, might not bring up the topic themselves. You need to prepare your concerns or questions and display them in from of them. It’s best to bring your partner with you on an appointment so that the health provider can determine what causes the issues and how to avoid them.

If they can’t provide useful suggestions, ask them to refer you to a family therapist or a sex therapist. there are always solutions to your problems.

Communicate With Your Partner

Whether you are with your lifelong partner or a new partner, communication is always the key! You can talk about your concerns, desires, and boundaries with your partner and exchange ideas. Try not toset too many expectations and definitely don’t judge your partner. You can add a little humor to the conversation and make the whole process more comfortable and relaxing.

Build Confidence

Having wrinkles and knee problems might intimidate you from enjoying good sex, but who doesn’t get old in this world? You are more sexually experienced as you get older, and this is your privilege! So embrace your experience, discard your self-doubt, and don’t forget to encourage your partner to do the same!

Safe and Better Sex

Use a Condom and Lubricant

Lubrication is especially important for older women who suffer from vaginal dryness. Condoms also have lubricants. To make sex more enjoyable, simply use lubrication and condoms to enhance the experience. Also, condoms can reduce chances of contracting STIs such as HIV, HPV, herpes, and trichomoniasis, which are more transmittable in seniors due to compromised immunity.

Foreplay

Lack of foreplay can make it harder for you to enjoy sex, which you have probably heard. So tease and kiss your partner’s body in a gentle way, and take it slow. Foreplay will relieve your tension and fatigue, and is specifically essential in female arousal.

Use Sex Toys

With or without a partner, a decent sex toy can do wonders for you to set the mood and experience maximum pleasure in sex. For the most part, some soft, lightweight, and ergonomic devices work well for the elderly. A vibrator or a massager will greatly increase your interest in sex, and help you to reach climax in an easier and safer way.

Use Your Month or Hands

Sex isn’t always about penetrative intercourse. Outercourse (sex without penetration), on the other hand, can elicit an orgasm even easier because of its lack of warmth, pressure, and wetness. In some cases, oral sex might be suitable for some seniors since it can add wetness to the whole process, but hand jobs can also give you and your partner strong sensations. Don’t be afraid to share what feels nice with your partner!

Sexual Positions

As we have said before, some physical or mobility issues will hamper you from having an enjoyable sexual experience. So, try sexual positions that can decrease stress on the knees and back. Here, we recommend missionary and spooning positions, which are less aggressive than many other positions.

Explore Erogenous Zones

As we grow older, our erogenous zones may change places. Let go of the assumptions about where you’re “supposed” to experience stimulation. Instead, try touching different spots to observe how you or your partner respond. Trust us, this could be a new form of “body language” to communicate with your partner.

Although people in old age still has a sex drive, some seniors with dementia can be overly interested in sex, which is called “hypersexuality”. Seniors with cognitive impairment may demonstrate inappropriate sexual behavior and cause distress in both family members and caregivers. Here, CareStory has summarized some common inappropriate sexual behaviors you may see in seniors with dementia.

Sexual Expression and Dementia

Behaviors Expressed Publicly Without Regard For Others

Some seniors with dementia will masturbate or behave sexually in public since the change in brain function causes a lack of control of urges. Sometimes, it can also be attributed to tight clothing or the hot temperature of a room.

Misinterpreting Touches, Smiles, and Hugs as Sexual Invitations

Some intimate behavior can deliver the wrong messages to seniors with dementia since, again, the disease will change how the person understands other people’s behaviors and actions.

Sexual Acts With Someone Who’s Not Their Spouse.

It is usually hurtful for a spouse with dementia to see their loved one act like a stranger. But what’s even more frustrating is when their loved one behaves sexually toward caregivers or other residents around him or her. Note that this kind of behaviour does not reflect ttheir “true identity”. People with dementia will sometimes interpret sexual behavior as a way to communicate, so try not to be too upset about it.

Your Loved One Has Dementia and is Demonstrating Hypersexuality – Now What?

If your loved one has dementia and expresses the above inappropriate behavior, we, as their family, need to be responsible for it. So – how do we intervene?

Use a Calm and Firm Tone of Voice

People with dementia are sensitive to your tone, so stop them by using a calm voice without being judgemental or scolding. See our blog post on “How To Communicate With Seniors” for more details.

Call Their Preferred Names to Get Attention

Calling your loved one by their preferred name is a way to grab their attention, reminding them that they are not forgotten. Also, calling them by their preferred name gives them reassurance and thus calms them down. CareStory offers a function that records your loved one’s preferred name and shares it with caregivers.

Use Distractions

Just like calling their preferred name, a distraction in the form of other activities can provide your loved one with comfort and keep their hands busy. You can show your loved one family pictures or give him or her a stuffed animal for cuddling and petting. It will greatly relieve stress and satisfy their need for warmth.

Take Them to a Private Environment

When your loved one’s behavior seems “unstoppable”, remove them from the scene and provide privacy. Sometimes your loved one’s behavior indicates that they are in need of using the bathroom, so take them to a nearby washroom and see their reaction.

Eliminate Triggers

Magazines, TV shows, or other forms of entertainment may all contain visual triggers for your loved one’s ihypersexuality. Sometimes, intimate acts such as touching, hugging, or kissing also can be misunderstood. Make sure to be aware of your body language and have clear boundaries.

At The End

Sex should never be perceived as an embarrassing topic no matter what your age is. Be true to your needs and don’t be afraid to share your ideas with your partner – your sexual needs are an important part of your routine. However, as for those with physical restrictions, it is encouraged to find other ways to have safe sex and consult with professionals.

References:

https://alzheimer.ca/en/help-support/im-caring-person-living-dementia/understanding-symptoms/sexual-behaviour

https://www.greatseniorliving.com/articles/senior-sex

“My dad lost his way home when he got back from the park, again,” Shawn complains to his friend,

“I have told him so often not to go outside alone, but he doesn’t listen.”

“Shawn, you should not blame him for that.” Replies his friend,

“Your dad has the right to go outside. It’s just that you can’t be with him all the time.”

That’s true. Like many middle-aged people, Shawn has his own family and is busy working most of the time. However, time never waits for anyone – now, his aged father needs him more than ever.

“Maybe it’s time to consider home care?” Shawn’s friend suggests, “My mom was in the same situation, so we hired a care worker for him. It does cost quite a bit, but it’s all worth it.”

Home care could be the silver lining to your situation if you are just as clueless as Shawn. Don’t worry. This article will guide you through what home care is and everything you want to know about the service.

What are home care services?

Home care service isn’t hiring someone to take care of your home. It is a kind of professional support that allows a senior to stay safely at home.

Many families hire a home care worker rather than send their parents to a long-term care facility. It is because:

Seniors can maintain their independence while living in familiar surroundings, with family members able to visit at any time. Some seniors and their families prefer to interact only with a caregiver who has been assigned to them.

There are different home care services: Personal care and companionship, nursing care, and home health care. Each serves a different purpose and is provided by caregivers with different qualifications. Now, let’s see what these care services are.

Personal care and companionship

Just as the name suggests, personal care and companionship support involve helping the senior with daily activity and supervision. In this type of home care, the care levels can range from weekly meal preparation to incontinence assistance.

Personal care aides can be hired privately or by agencies. Such home care service can meet many seniors’ needs, such as:

– Companionship

– Transportation

– Getting dressed, bathing, and grooming

– Meal preparation

– Basic housekeeping

Who provides it:

Personal Support Workers (PSW) are eligible to provide such support. The care can be provided by shift or full time based on clients’ needs. Personal care and companionship do not require a doctor’s prescription, but they require the worker to possess a PSW certificate.

The cost:

Personal care and companionship support are usually charged by the hour. According to the statistics of Ontario, the average cost of PSW is between $28 to $36 hourly. Usually, there will be a minimum hour requirement for each shift, either 3 or 4 hours per visit.

Depending on the agency, the cost would be mostly privately paid and rarely covered by long-term care and health insurance.

Who’s suitable for personal care and companionship

Seniors who have no severe medical concerns but need help with basic daily activities can consider personal care services. It also works for the seniors who often feel isolated, just like Shawn’s father. After all, meeting psychological needs are as important as meeting basic living needs for seniors. See our blog on “Senior Isolation” for more details.

Nursing care

Nursing care is also known as home-based skilled nursing or hourly nursing. This type of service is provided for those with more complex and ongoing medical demands but still prefer receiving care in the home setting.

Nursing care service includes specific medical care such as IV therapies

(administering shots), wound dressing, palliative care, pain management, etc.

Who provided it?

Nursing care is provided by Registered Nurses (RNs) or Licensed Practical Nurses (LPNs); the nurse will use clinical criteria to create a nursing diagnosis list. Like personal support service, nursing care can be provided by shift or full time. However, it needs to be prescribed by a doctor since it involves medical practice.

The cost:

The cost of home-based nursing care is more expensive than personal support care. The average cost of nursing care in Ontario is $55 to $88 per hour, and again, it has minimum hours per visit, just like personal care.

You can choose to pay by yourself. Various sources such as health insurance and work benefit can also cover the cost. So, check the policy before hiring a nurse. It may save you some bucks.

Who’s suitable for nursing care

Persons who have specific long-term medical needs would be suitable for nursing care. The concerns include but are not limited to diabetes, traumatic brain injury (TBI), and the need to administer medication, feeding tube care and ventilator care.

Home health care:

Home health care is more physician-directed than the other home care services, which involve physical therapies, occupational therapies, medical social work and short-term nursing services. It is performed on a relatively short-term basis than the other two, and it can be stopped as soon as patients’ goals are met.

Who provides it?

Since home health care is more medical-centred, it can be provided by licensed professionals such as physical therapists, registered nurses, occupational therapists and so on, depending on the needs.

Home health care is usually provided hourly or by session. It also required a doctor’s prescription to receive specific therapy.

The cost:

The average price of home health care in Canada is around $125 per hour. In most cases, the cost can be covered by health insurance or private insurance.

Who’s suitable for home health care:

Home health care may benefit someone who has recently been wounded and requires rehabilitation. It is also appropriate for individuals who have recently been discharged from the hospital or are recovering from surgery. After their urgent medical needs have been met, patients may seek nursing care or home care.

Takeaway:

Home care services provided cares that can be divided into different types based on different needs. Personal support and nursing care are provided on an ongoing basis, while home health care is for those who have recent injuries and need short-term therapies. Hiring a caregiver could be stressful sometimes, but CareStory Home Care is here to provide the best service and give you relief. In our next few blogs, we will talk about the tips and things you should know in the recruiting process. Stay tuned!

References:

https://www.cbihealth.ca/services/nursing

https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/home-care-vs-home-health-care

https://www.bayada.com/homehealthcare/what-is-homecare/

We start to learn how to make our parents “happy” when we are very young, but it becomes harder and harder when they move into old age.

“I used to buy my mother a lot of things to make up for the hours I couldn’t spend with her, but she wasn’t really thrilled and claimed it was a waste of money,” said Ann, a 40-year-old professional woman and her parents’ only child.

“Since the outbreak of the epidemic, I’ve been working from home. I was able to return and live with her for a short time. Everything was OK at first; we were enjoying the reunion feeling. But then she got dissatisfied once more.” Ann expressed her displeasure.

“She’s become so hard to predict, and I don’t know what could make her happy. I tried almost everything, but nothing seems to work.”

We receive a lot from our readers every day, such complaints as this– we know the pain.

First of all, you should stop trying to “please them” in the way that you feel they should be pleased because what you offer is not necessarily what they want. In addition, physically being with your loved one doesn’t mean you provide good mental support. Getting older isn’t easy to do. Changing relationships, shrinking social networks, and growing health issues make this process more challenging. As seniors’ lives progress, their inner worlds evolve, too. Therefore, it is time to bring their emotional needs into focus.

Recognize their needs

According to relationship psychologist Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., CSAT-S, everyone has their own set of emotional needs that they value the most. Still, as humans, we all have the same basic emotional needs. These basic emotional needs will ensure our relationship thrives, and our sense of self is secured, which includes being emotionally seen and feeling important in our relationships as a person. These needs are met through communication.

How long has it been since you sat down and had a nice long talk with your parents? Making them emotionally heard is the first step in the journey of empathy, and empathy is the key to providing good companionship.

A good conversation is always about giving and taking, but continuously giving would deplete each other’s willingness to keep the conversation going. Try to actively listen to your parents’ words without making quick judgments. Active listening entails listening with all of one’s senses. Maintaining eye contact, nodding your head, smiling, agreeing by saying ‘Yes’ or ‘Mmm’ encourages them to continue.

Also, observe their non-verbal cues such as tone of voice, eye contact, gestures, and body movement as signals to add meaning to the conversation. If they avoid eye contact or constantly move their limbs, it means the conversation has created tension, and they might not be honest about how they are feeling. See our post on “How To Communicate With Seniors” to find out more details.

It is important to let your loved ones see that you listen and are sensitive to their needs. By providing ‘feedback’ and showing sensitivity, the speaking person will usually feel more at ease, allowing them to communicate more freely, openly, and honestly.

Talk about your feelings

As mentioned, the conversation doesn’t come unilaterally, How to Communicate with Seniors. When figuring out the best solution to provide your parents with good companionship, it is essential to talk about how you feel about them, the situation you are facing, and what you wish to improve in the relationship.

Tell them what you were thinking when doing things that you hoped would make them happy but didn’t work out. Let them know the hardship you are encountering, but don’t use victimized language that makes your parents feel they are doing the wrong things to you.

It is critical not to be passive-aggressive with your loved ones. You should not punish them for not knowing how you feel instinctively or for failing to read your mind.

Nobody can expect everyone to meet all of their needs. It takes time and effort to practice knowing your loved one’s needs and offer quality companionship. However, there are several things you can do with your elderly parents to spend time together and get to know them again.

List of things you can do to spend time with your loved one

1. Help them with cooking

Humans connect through food. Having them at the dinner table isn’t the only way to share happiness. Another one of the best ways to interact with our senior family members is to cook together. This not only allows you to bond, but it also encourages them to stay active and feel more involved in family activities. Rather than simply cooking for the elderly, incorporate them into the process to enrich their experience and make them feel important by helping. This is especially beneficial for seniors with dementia, as the process of cooking and meal planning can elevate their moods.

2. Go for a walk after diner

If the weather and your loved one’s physical condition allows, enjoy a peaceful evening by walking and talking with them. Walking boosts circulation after eating, thus increasing adrenaline and endorphin levels, which provide both you and your loved one a happy and energetic feeling throughout the conversation. You can talk about plans, happy memories, and new interests or hobbies during your walk, which reinforces positive emotions with physical activities.

3. Bring your kids to family gatherings

Many seniors love spending time with kids. Although you might think these two groups have little in common, research from the Atlantic shows that both children and the elderly see benefits from spending time together. Seniors generally have less depression, better physical health, and more satisfaction with life after having their grandkids visit. Some communities have preschools and daycares inside the nursing homes themselves.

4. Use nostalgia

Nostalgia might sound like a sentimental thing, but proper use of it can benefit seniors in many ways. This includes helping them deal with challenges from the past, letting go of unpleasant feelings, and gaining a more mature perspective on their current lives.

Memories can be sparked by seeing old photos, hearing old music, tasting old dishes, or even just smelling something familiar. Nostalgia jogs our memories of the good old times —the moments we may have taken for granted when they were happening.

Also, reminiscing helps to strike up a conversation or keeps a conversation going when it goes dry. Asking questions like “Do you remember when we…?” may help to draw closer to your loved one. Moreover, letting your loved ones pass on family stories would greatly enhance their emotional strength and confidence. Using CareStory to record and help your loved one recall sweet memories makes this process easier.

Good companionship can be achieved when you are away

1. Regular video/phone calls

If you live far away and cannot often visit, try to call them as much as you can. Your loved one wants to know what is going on in your life. It will give them reassurance and a sense of being involved. Our best advice is to call them once a day in terms of frequency. You can make a call during lunch or at the end of the day and ask them if they have eaten and what they did. It usually takes no more than 10 minutes, but it will make your loved one feel that they are not losing contact with you. It also helps you know about their daily living and emotional well-being at home or in a community.

2. Take advantage of festivals

Cultures and religions aren’t the only reasons why we celebrate festivals; people get a sense of belonging when celebrating them. Festivals allow the family to come together and celebrate a shared belief, which makes seniors feel valued. Work together with your parents to decorate the home, cook food, manufacture gifts, and more. It’s a great opportunity for you to spend quality time with them and give them a sense of pride.

3. Get them a pet

Getting a companion animal has an astounding effect on seniors. In addition to lowering blood pressure and promoting social connection and physical activity, animals have been shown to alleviate stress and anxiety. Depressive symptoms and feelings of loneliness can also be dramatically reduced when people surround themselves with pets. However, some pets do require more work. Make sure you consider the physical condition of your loved one and ask their preferred animal.

4. Use companion services

If you and your other family members can’t make it to see your loved one regularly, we’re sure you still wish to know their progress and make sure they can manage their daily activities. You can use many companion services, such as drop-in companions and phone call services. Unlike nursing care, companion care focuses on giving emotional support and friendship and practical assistance with everyday tasks for the elderly. Older adults who want to age comfortably and independently in their own homes can use this type of care.

At the end:

Learning to be a good companion needs time, and building empathy is the premise. It is vital to make your loved ones feel heard, understood, and respected. There are many good ways to spend time with your parents and strengthen family bonds, but good companionship shouldn’t depend on whether you are close by or far away.

References:

https://companionsforseniors.com/2019/10/what-is-companion-care-for-the-elderly/

https://www.comfortlife.ca/home-care/senior-companion-care

https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/10-best-ways-of-spending-time-with-family/

“The wandering bands of storytelling Sapiens were the most important and most destructive force the animal kingdom had ever produced.” -Yuval Noah Harari.

Making a story for seniors is fun that brings people together and celebrates their lives. Hearing stories told by our parents and grandparents is just like collecting pearls: once you string them together, more surprises unfold. Then, you probably won’t wait to pass the delight to others, which is the beauty of storytelling.

What are senior stories, and why should we make one?

As the name suggests, senior stories could be a description of any major change or experience that a senior had in the past or something that encapsulates these experiences and summarizes their life into one story. It preserves memories and helps to define their personality. Here, we talk about a life story consisting of a set of events in a senior’s life.

There are many benefits of senior storytelling:

Promote understanding and empathy

Successful storytelling can elicit emotional responses from the audience and create empathy. One example is an Alzheimer’s disease awareness film called “Takeaway,” which was aired on TV.

The scene begins with an older adult looking at the door, waiting for his son to come home. However, when his son comes back, the older adult doesn’t seem to want to open the door.

“Dad, open the door for me! I didn’t bring the key!” the young man knocks on the door and says.

The older adult suddenly panics.

“I don’t know you!” He yells at the young man with fear, leaving his son completely shocked.

Then it follows with the narrative from the son.

The son says since his father’s memory began to worsen: “He always forgets where the fridge or the bathroom is. He doesn’t recognize his own house when he’s just in front of it. Sometimes he even doesn’t remember if he has had meals.”

The son takes his father out for lunch with his friends one day. When they were almost finished eating, the father saw two dumplings left on the plate. Then the older adult makes quickly grabs the dumplings with his hand and tucks them into his pockets, disregarding the other guests at the table.

“What are you doing, dad?!” the son, feeling embarrassed, grumbled to his father.

“These are for my son,” the father replies.

“I know he loves dumplings.”

The son is stunned by the father’s answer. Just as the name implies, the disease takes away most of the father’s memories and consciousness, but it doesn’t take away his love for his son.

This PSA was unquestionably a success. It won the “Film Lion” prize in the 60th Cannes Festival of Creativity and allowed many people to learn about Alzheimer’s for the first time.

Like the ads, a vivid story can touch the heart of the audience, making them understand and feel the hero or heroine in the story. So maybe next time, if you want your friends to understand why your loved one loves to collect “invaluable items” such as plastic bags or napkins, tell them the story of how they have been through a difficult time with material scarcity and believes collecting things will be useful in the future. This way, they will understand it and thus avoid some embarrassment of “missing toilet paper” in the washroom.

Help caregivers to deliver better care

Relationships are built upon “knowing” – without sufficiently knowing the person’s identity. It’s hard to have a connection with them. Another point of telling the story of our loved ones is to let the caregivers provide more effective assistance to the one you care for.

Here’s a real-life example that illustrates the idea:

A while ago, an older woman with cognitive impairment, living in a long-term care home, often got up in the middle of the night and walked down the hallways to check on sleeping residents. It was quite disturbing and creepy to both the residents and the staff, and it was hard to resolve since her behaviour seemed “unstoppable” to some degree.

But nothing is impossible to a willing heart. After countless times of trying to stop the behaviour, a caregiver decided to figure out the underlying reason. Starting from learning about her past experiences, the caregiver discovered that the woman was a night-shift nurse for over 30 years! It turned out that she was trying to “do her job”!

After that, everything has solved. Whenever the woman happened to repeat her nurse-on-duty behaviour again, the staff would tell her that her shift had ended and therefore could go back to sleep with relief.

What an amazing story! If the caregiver didn’t look into her past, they wouldn’t know how to help her to rest. Now you can use CareStory to store all your loved one’s experiences and access through a QR code. Quality care can happen in just one scan!

Strengthen family bonds

Although you and your parents and grandparents have lived together for years, it doesn’t mean you know them very well. When you hear stories about them from further back, you are drawn to your family even closer.

You may be surprised when you find out your strong grandfather also has a weak side inside of him, and your seemingly ordinary mother has done something spectacular in the past. Strong emotions are created when we share these experiences and memories as we feel we are more pulled towards them, which is how relationships are strengthened.

Promote well-being

While happy memories evoke warm feelings, which is good for mental health, sharing stories of enduring horrible crises or tragedies can also be beneficial.

These can reveal how the family member dealt with it and overcame the difficult time when handled correctly. These stories can be precious life lessons that teach you how to be strong throughout life. In addition, telling these stories also helps the senior to release stress when you are “experiencing” these memories together with them (research from Advances in Psychiatric Treatment). Re-experiencing these memories encourage the whole family to face the uncertainty of the future, which can further build resilience and confidence in both seniors and their families.

Not only does storytelling have a beneficial psychological influence, but it also has a positive physiological impact. According to research published by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America in 2021, they have discovered that storytelling boosts oxytocin levels while lowering cortisol levels (a hormone generated in reaction to stress). Oxytocin is a hormone associated with human bonding and enhances feelings of love and empathy.

Although stories capture feelings and tighten bonds, techniques are still needed when gathering them and putting them into words. Here are some tips for creating and adding dimensions to your senior stories.

Tips of effective family storytelling:

1. Choose a central idea

A great story usually embodies a central message, even a life story. When crafting a senior story, you should have a clear idea of what you’re building toward. Consider who your audience would be. Are they the caregivers or your family friends? What is your purpose for creating this senior story? What tone do you use to interpret the person’s life events accurately? Think about these questions before choosing the type of stories to tell. Be clear on the “core” that you base your narrative on, and always stick to it.

2. Make a timeline for their major events

Ask the seniors about important moments they remember. You can write them down or record them through audio. After collecting these stories, highlight the ones that seem worthy to include and align with the story’s central idea. This process may take a lot of time and effort, but it is fundamental to building a coherent story. See our blog on “How to communicate with seniors” to make the process easier.

3. Be specific on what shapes your loved one’s identity

If your loved one is a fun person, focus on the funny moments that happened in their life; if the senior is a loving person, you can put more attention on describing the heartwarming senior stories that you could remember about them. It is okay to add some conflict to the story, but building a consistent identity is vital for the audience to empathize with the senior.

4. Gather memories from other family members

There are always some details we miss from the first-person perspective. Try to ask other family members about the important memories that they share with the seniors and get them involved in the process. It will add more “flesh” to the structure of your story.

5. Explore old photos and gadgets

Some seniors love to collect things such as photos or ornaments. They believe these little things hold their memories and have sentimental attachments to them. Try asking the senior the story behind these “collections.” It helps them bring back more memories and feel more engaged in the storytelling process.

Collecting stories can be the most taxing and rewarding process of generating senior stories. Here, CareStory has provided you with some sample questions you can ask your loved one to sparkle a story.

List of questions to ask a senior to inspire a story:

Childhood

What was the occupation of your parents?
What’s one lesson your parents taught you?
What’re one or two stories that you remember the most clearly about your childhood?
What was your favourite time of day when you were a kid? Why?
What did you want to be when you grew up?

Adulthood

Describe your most important friendship.
What was your first job? How did you get it?
Do you have a significant other? How did you meet them?
What do you recall about your first date with your significant other?
What’s your greatest accomplishment in your life?
What were the most fulfilling times of your life?
Were there any difficult times you’d like to share?
Where there any moments you recall as a turning point of your life?
What are you most grateful for in your life?
What’s the most significant thing you’ve done to help others?

Interests

What’s your favourite holiday memory?
What’s your favourite city/country? Why?
What’s your favourite food?
What is the most amazing piece of technology to you?
What have you been doing for fun lately?

Other

If you could have one superpower, what do you wish it would be? Why?
What’s on your bucket list?
What are your goals for the next few years?
If you could have dinner with one person from past or present, who would it be? Why?
What would you say if you could talk to yourself 20/30/40 years ago?
If you could go back in time, what time would it be? Why?

At the end

Creating senior stories is not an easy process, yet it has many benefits to it. For the seniors who cannot create their own stories, the help from their families can bridge the gaps and encourage them to share these treasures. Many tools can help you build and share your stories, and CareStory is one of them. We are committed to letting every elder be heard. Feel free to check it out.

References:

https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-nonfiction/telling-our-family-stories-4-reasons-why-its-more-important-than-ever-to-write-our-family-narratives

https://blog.aarp.org/parenting-part-2/here-is-why-you-should-share-family-stories

“The only way that people are going to know I’m dead is from the smell in the hallway,” said David. David is 82 and has lived in a condo in Ottawa for 20 years now. His wife died many years ago, and his son lives in British Columbia, more than 4000 kilometres away.

David only contacts his son through email once a week, and his best friend just died of cancer.

“Aging is a process of losing,” he said,

“You lose your health, career, and the people who used to be around you after a certain age. The only thing you gain is loneliness.”

There are billions of older adults living the same isolated life as David. Senior isolation is not a disease, but anyone who has it usually becomes voiceless and hopeless – all they do is wait to die alone.

What is senior isolation?

Senior isolation is a term that indicates social isolation in older adults. People of various ages can be affected by social isolation. And loneliness in the elderly causes more serious problems than in younger individuals.

According to a National Institute of Aging report, approximately 28 percent of people over 65 years old in the U.S. live in one-person households. However, someone is living alone doesn’t mean they are experiencing loneliness. There are a few factors that contribute to senior isolation, which includes:

– Bereavement of a significant other

– Retirement from work

– Loss of networks with friends

– Change in the living environment

– Mobility or sensory impairment

– Low income or limited financial resources

– Psychological or cognitive issues

– Language/racial/sexual orientation/gender identity barriers

– Lack of transportation or fear toward driving and travelling

Although the causation may differ from person to person, the negative effect of senior isolation could be almost the same for every family.

What is the impact?

The senior:

It starts with health effects. We all know that loneliness is never a pleasant experience for us humans. A report from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine (NASEM) suggests that social isolation has proven adverse effects on seniors’ mental health, including anxiety, depression, and cognitive decline that’s highly related to Alzheimer’s disease. The study also shows that chronic isolation induces physical issues such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, a weakened immune system, and even causes premature death.

Besides the direct effects, isolation also causes seniors to remain trapped in the vicious cycle of elder abuse. People with poor social support are more prone to being emotionally and physically mistreated. As the abuse worsens, a senior who undergoes abuse will likely become even more socially isolated.

A study in 2017 suggests that seniors who endure abuse at the hands of a trusted helper may withdraw from socializing due to feelings of shame. Some seniors even

Believe that abuse is common and even acceptable as time goes by. These circumstances keep the abuse victim mute, thus reinforcing the isolation-abuse cycle.

The family:

Senior isolation has a detrimental effect on seniors’ families as well.

Elders who are socially isolated and have poor social networks tend to have low-quality relationships with those closest to them, including their family members and friends. This can be attributed to the weakened social skills and a lack of feeling safe caused by chronic isolation. Therefore, seniors living in isolation would make their families feel disconnected and increase their worries when they cannot be around.

In addition, senior isolation is a risk factor for stroke and dementia (report from Centers of Disease Control and Prevention), increasing the family’s burden of taking care of the seniors.

However, as a growing epidemic in modern society, it is impossible to spot someone’s loneliness. The persons going through loneliness may not even recognize it themselves. Here are some signs to look out for:

Signs of Senior Isolation

– Decreased energy

– Feeling foggy or unable to concentrate

– Having trouble sleeping or sleeping more than usual

– Change in eating habits: overeating or loss of appetite

– Loss of interest in hobbies

– Loss of interest in socializing

– Increased shopping

– Declining cognitive abilities

– Interacting with/trusting suspicious people

If your loved one is experiencing all the symptoms above, you need to be alerted that chronic loneliness might develop in your family. However, it doesn’t mean that you are in a hopeless position. There are many ways to overcome senior isolation, and CareStory is here, providing you with some valuable tips to help.

If your loved one is experiencing isolation, you can:

Make regular visits or callsVisit your loved one as often as you can. If you live far away from them or are always on a tight schedule, try to make calls regularly. It is essential to make your family feel that they have not lost connection with you. Also, show interest in the topic they are talking about during the visit or the phone call. Making the person feel that they matter would greatly help them erode being left behind.

If you or a loved one struggle to make regular phone calls, try registering for free companion phone call services such as the “friendly calls program”. Volunteers in the program would provide supportive listening and social engagement, and help clients relieve anxiety, despair, and loneliness through phone calls.

1. Encourage social interaction

Don’t let your family deal with emotions on their own, especially when you and other family members are not around. Encourage your loved ones to make friends with their neighbours and the people they may have daily interactions with. Convince them to participate in group outings and actively engage in community events.

According to a study published by the National Institute on Aging, having an active social life improves one’s physical, mental, and emotional health, which is especially crucial for the elderly who suffer from loneliness and depression.

2. Make transportation easier

Many seniors don’t drive, so making transportation accessible is crucial. Choosing a long-term care home with adequate public transit nearby would encourage seniors to join the crowd and explore more outdoor activities. See our post on “How to Choose a Long-Term Care Home” for more details.

You can ask someone to share a ride with your loved one, but it is better to do it yourself. Offering your loved ones a chance to ride with you and assisting them in learning to use public transit will help them maintain a healthy sense of independence.

3. Notify friends and caregivers

If your family seems reluctant to make social connections actively, it is your job to contact the people who are frequently around them to pay more attention. Some seniors are afraid to step out of their comfort zone. To better assist, getting other people involved in their lives would reduce the sense of isolation. Ask the caregivers to chat with your loved one when they are doing housework, or call your friends to offer assistance with cleaning or cooking, so that they have more chances to “break the ice” and let the warmth in.

4. Get a therapy pet (if possible)

If your loved one lives alone at home, try adopting a pet and make it a good companion for your family. These fuzzy little things do have some therapeutic effects: studies show that pets can reduce seniors’ anxiety and blood pressure and encourage positive social behaviours (ontariospca.com). Moreover, taking care of a pet would make the senior feel rewarded and fulfilled.

If your loved one is living in a long-term care home, be clear on the policies of bringing a pet with the residents. For the homes that do not allow their residents to have pets, you can have your friends get their pets for a visit.

If you are the one who’s experiencing senior isolation, you can:

5. Get involved in the community

Staying active in the community gives individuals a sense of purpose. Many seniors benefit from active involvement with their community and meeting new people. If you live in a retirement community, you will find tons of socializing opportunities! For example, you can volunteer to help with gift wrapping during holiday seasons or perform in a local cultural festival. It’s a great way to get engaged and give yourself a sense of purpose. If you live at home, take advantage of joining a local senior center or any community of interest in the local area. Spending time with others can help fight feelings of isolation and depression to a great extent.

6. Be more physically active

If you can, get in more physical activity. Moving your body can assist to release endorphins, or “happy chemicals,” which can help to reduce stress and make you feel “refreshed.” When you’re alone, you may find it difficult to maintain the habit, so it’s time to join an exercise group!

Taking part in a group exercise class will make your workout more enjoyable and push you to keep going, in addition to lessening your isolation and stress. Exercises can also aid in the prevention of memory loss and cognitive deterioration. There is no need for heavy activities such as playing basketball or swimming. Light exercise like walking or even simple gardening may also make a great difference!

7. Explore interests

Hobbies are great for fighting against loneliness and keeping our minds active. “A watched pot never boils.” Rekindling your old interests or discovering new ones will make you feel the time passes faster than spending your day staring at a clock. Also, picking up a hobby can assist you in meeting new people. Try joining a club, a class, or a group and share common interests with others. You will even discover more hobbies thanks to the other club members. It’s also a fantastic method to keep your mind stimulated.

If you don’t know what hobby should you engage in, here are a few ideas to inspire you to start:

Writing

Tell your stories and share your memories with your families and friends. There are plenty of benefits to storytelling. Don’t believe us? Check out our blog on “The Power of Telling Senior Stories” for details on that. You can also keep a gratitude journal daily, which will help increase your happiness, promote better sleep, and make you focus on the bright side of life.

Fishing

Fishing is a calm and fascinating pastime that can keep you entertained for hours on end. It is much more than just staring at the water and waiting for fish to come. To catch some types of fish, you’ll need special tools. It sometimes even requires you to learn specific fishing techniques to catch a fish, which is challenging and filled with fun.

Painting

Healing and inspiring – this is the power of the arts. Painting gives you a chance to express yourself and discover the beauty of the things around you. It helps you to release your emotions and bolster memories. Furthermore, it requires hand-eye coordination, which will help to improve your mobility.

Birdwatching

Birdwatching isn’t just looking at a bird. Birds are beautiful creatures that connect you to nature. The art of birdwatching requires a keen eye and sufficient patience and knowledge. If you’re new to it, look for a bird reference guide to see which birds visit your region at certain times of the year. You can train your ear to recognize different bird calls and environmental noises. This is also a fun task.

Candlemaking

Candle-making can promote dexterity in hands and fingers and boost your self-esteem by giving you a sense of pride and fulfillment. The aroma of essential oils will calm and relax you, especially when manufacturing scented candles. Candles can also be given as gifts during the holidays or sold to supplement one’s income.

Dining with others

Stop taking your plate to your room and eating alone. Having meals with others will create bonds, and that’s why we always choose a restaurant as a dating spot. A shared dining table will provide you with chances for conversation and storytelling and allow you to eat more if you are experiencing a loss of appetite. Dining is a significant part of social interaction. In many senior centres, country clubs, health clubs, and long-term care home communities. It is recognized as one of the most important elements.

Takeaway:

Senior isolation is both a standard and dangerous situation that seniors face when living alone. It can be attributed to many external or internal reasons, and the harmful impact would profoundly affect the senior’s family. There are a variety of approaches to overcoming loneliness. Whether it’s about assisting others in overcoming loneliness or assisting yourself in dealing with your situation, staying active in social communities and developing interests is always the key.

References:

https://www.cdc.gov/aging/publications/features/lonely-older-adults.html

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/chronic-loneliness#when-to-see-a-doctor

https://www.canada.ca/en/national-seniors-council/programs/publications-reports/2014/social-isolation-seniors/page05.html

Darren retired three years ago and became the primary caregiver to his dad, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. He cares for his dad in his home in Austin, Texas, and his two children also help out weekly. Darren is determined to help his dad find the best care possible. However, he is unsatisfied with the quality of care his dad receives. He spends a lot of his time repeatedly telling care staff his father’s care preferences and personal story. Still, it’s hard for care staff to remember all the detailed information he provides while also providing dedicated care.

“Is there any approach to bridge the gap between aging populations, their families, and caregivers so that we all know each other well and can be as supportive as possible?” Darren started looking for better care and better long-term care management technology.

Normal Care and Normal Technology in Long-term Care

An electronic medical record (EMR) is a digital version of all the information you need, such as residents’ information and the specific care, both medical care and daily activity assistance. An EMR system fosters effective communication and coordination among healthcare team members for optimal patient care. However, EMR systems also have their drawbacks —

Here’s a screenshot of an EMR system:

The EMR lists all the tasks that care staff have to perform, as well as who should provide what kind of care to which senior at what time of day.

When care staff access the resident’s documents through the EMR system, they only know residents’ names, demographic information and medical history. Care staff unconsciously influences themselves to view seniors as a bunch of tasks and to-do lists. As a result, there are many cases of medication mix-ups in long-term care homes.

Long-Term Care Culture Change Revolution

Many residents’ family members have uncovered this problem and have raised their concerns to long-term care homes. Apparently, the long-term care industry has identified the common satisfaction issues and is using dissatisfied feedback as the foundation for improvement. Therefore, a culture change in long-term care homes has taken place, moving from an overemphasis on medical issues and safety to a resident-directed, consumer-driven quality of life and health promotion.

Getting to know each resident well and staying in touch with their families closely has become a trend in the long-term care field, and the upsides of this culture change revolution are remarkable. Without focusing on the importance of the relationships between residents and long-term care staff, we cannot make this shift. Actually, culture change is an approach to continuously improving the quality of long- term care in the long run.

Why the Revolution in LTC Management Software is Inevitable

True true, the revolution in the long-term care industry is inevitable. However, so is the revolution in long-term care management systems. Seniors and families start to care more about the quality of the care and look for further and more profound connections between caregivers and seniors. Long-term care homes should make more of an effort in regard to relationship management. Indeed, it’s time to transfer from the EMR system to a more empathetic long-term care management system.

Seniors are more receptive to care from care staff they trust, those who know them better and those who can empathize and resonate. Care staff are more willing to provide quality care to residents they know better. Deep understanding and communication can build a warm relationship between residents and care professionals.

Care with Empathy

In conversations with caregivers in various long-term care homes and at the educational seminar on Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia Care held by Dementia Care Education, one central idea was brought up several times — Care with Empathy.

In the previous paragraphs, we have discussed why we need to care with empathy and why care with empathy will be the trend in long-term care. Now it’s time to uncover how technology can help care staff and families achieve resident-directed, consumer-driven care for our beloved seniors.

Meeting Booking & Emergency Communication Call Systems

Keeping updated on seniors’ health information is always salient, so care staff and family members should have constant meetings, which therefore raises demands for virtual meetings and booking systems. A premium meeting function could help caregivers and families have more smooth virtual communication and connection, just like face-to-face communication. In addition, the booking system should also include an emergency communication call system, just in case.

For instance, AxisCare is a software that provides leading clients and caregiver communication functions. It allows caregivers to set phone calls with seniors’ family members and have a real-time chat with them.

Innovative Profile Systems

Normal EMR systems only provide basic data of the residents, but now we need more in-depth information on residents. An innovative profile system should provide resident profiles with fact pages, life stories and video messages, so care staff can understand residents better. This would enable them to deliver individualized holistic person-centred care for senior residents. Families could also use smart devices to engage with their residents through the use of smart devices.

The power of family stories and memoirs can be harnessed to increase caregiver empathy and help provide better care for elderly people, according to researchers at the University of British Columbia in Canada. In addition, personal stories can shape our brains and move us to be more empathic and generous, research has shown.

If you would like to try software that can create a life story for your loved one, MemoryWell is a good option to boost seniors, families, and care staff engagement and build more smooth communication through the life stories function!

Personalized Music Playlists

If you want to start caring empathetically, playing personalized music playlists during care is a great place to start. Playing music that seniors are interested in opens avenues of communication. If you want to know how music can calm the elderly, please check our previous music blog post.

Linked Senior is a software that provides music therapy and sing-alongs to engage residents based on their personal experiences.

Want to try another innovative long-term care management system? CareStory is a great choice! Check here to view how CareStory works! The CareStory app allows family members to share background information about the resident. Staff, caregivers, and nurses can share each residents’ unique care preferences. The platform is dynamic and easy to access with an almost zero learning curve. All stakeholders can contribute to residents’ profiles within their own privileges. Want to see the power of caring with empathy? It’s time to try a demo!

Reference:

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_stories_change_brain

As our parents and grandparents age, you may find it’s harder for you to have a “joyful” conversation than you used to – maybe, you find that conversation seems to end up with yelling and headaches. We have heard a lot of complaints from our readers about how difficult it is sometimes to have a rational and peaceful conversation with their aging loved ones. But no, it’s not necessarily anyone’s fault – the aging process challenges one’s ability to think and speak, as well as maintain control of emotions. As a result, just like how your parents and grandparents taught you to speak when you were a toddler, we need to learn to communicate with them again.

So, why does learning to communicate become so important?

Resolving family conflicts

When it comes to resolving family conflicts, communication is crucial. Unresolved conflicts can cause stress for both elder parents and their children and increase the difficulty in daily interactions and the frequency of arguments. While it is nearly impossible to eliminate family conflicts, providing clear verbal and nonverbal messages and engaging in active listening can help keep the situation under control.

Promoting understanding

When it comes to making important life decisions for our senior loved ones, such as receiving long-term care or starting a new treatment, family members need to include them in their discussions. However, the process could be quite exhausting due to the discrepancies between the younger and senior family members. One typical example is when people consider sending their parents to a long-term care home, the conversation usually doesn’t go well since nobody wants to think of becoming old and losing their freedom. Usually, a successful conversation can’t be achieved without understanding and agreements from both parties, so smooth-talking becomes vital at this point – it’s not about doing what you think is good for your loved one, it is about increasing the understanding of each other’s needs so we can attain a win-win situation.

Promoting better health

Good communication has some practical effects – not just to promote healthy mental health for our loved ones. It is proven that age-friendly conversations would significantly help patients to adhere to treatment, so better medical outcomes are predicted (report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services).

Whether you are in a position or not where you want to make a better connection with your loved one, or you want to address life topics or important issues that involve their understanding and support, unique communication skills and strategies are often required. Below are eight great tips that CareStory provides you with to create healthy interactions with your loved one.

Note: not all these communication tips may apply to your situation. Try to understand the logic behind each and pick out the ones you think would work. Rome wasn’t built in a day; it takes time and practice to acquire good communication skills. Remember: successful communication is not about WHAT you say. It’s about HOW you say it.

Tips for communicating with your loved one

1. Choose the right environment

Preparation first! Creating a communication-friendly environment would greatly enhance the quality of the discussion. When there is a lot of disturbing noise or distracting activities, it’s hard to conduct an in-depth conversation, especially when the senior has physical or cognitive problems requiring more attention. So turn down the volume on the TV or radio, and make sure there are no distracting sounds that make you raise your voice. Seniors with dementia need to decrease additional stimulations as much as possible.

Also, face the person you’re speaking with, so they can pick up information from your facial expressions or by reading your lips. Seating is also important. Make sure your loved one is not sitting too far from you, and make sure they are sitting comfortably in a chair. When the conversation involves many family members, it’s best to put them in the middle of the group to give them a sense of the conversation that is going on around them.

2. Actively listen to your loved one

Remember that you are talking TO your family, not talking AT them. Pay attention to what your family has to say. Don’t interrupt them or try to fill awkward silences between their sentences throughout the chat. A brief silence could indicate that your family member is pondering how to respond to the topic. However, listening should go both ways, so be sure your loved one is hearing what you’re saying as well.

3. Embrace the difference

No matter how close you and your family are, no one can agree on everything all the time. Especially when it comes to decision-making, the conversation may come to a stalemate. Notably, we should agree on disagreement. Respect the viewpoints of others the same way that you would like your own to be respected. When a choice must be made, we should listen to all viewpoints and strive to compromise on the decision.

4. Speak clearly

Speak clearly and articulately. Hearing loss is common among the elderly. It is critical to talk effectively and clearly to convey your words. Make sure you speak clearly and don’t mumble or speak too hastily; instead, properly pronounce each word at a comfortable pace. Speak louder if necessary, but do not yell. For the seniors who have a cognitive impairment, try to concentrate on one idea at a time and use short, clear sentences. Avoid using slang, and describe an object or action as clearly as possible. If they still don’t understand what you’re saying, try rephrasing it or using alternative terms.

5. Demonstrate empathy

We usually perceive things through our own eyes, but we need to put ourselves in their shoes to interact with our loved ones effectively. We need to acknowledge their pain and show gratitude when they open up. When they start talking about their emotions and losses, it’s important to grab this “opened door” and be supportive of what they are saying.

6. Ask instead of assuming

Seniors need to feel respected. Try becoming an “asker” instead of being a “guesser.” Listen more to their answers before making your assumption since sometimes our assumptions are simply speculations, which will likely harm the relationship.

Don’t be afraid of asking too many questions. When talking with older adults, you can confirm their needs by constantly asking rather than ordering.

For example: instead of saying, “you haven’t had lunch, you must be hungry.” You can ask them, “Are you feeling hungry at this time? Since I noticed that you didn’t have lunch.”

7. Be careful about the language

Some terms may imply something different to seniors than to you. Some seniors are highly sensitive about the terms such as “nursing home” or “dementia.” Although you know that these are just terms we use in conversations to help our family, they might equal the loss of control and independence and trigger resistance and anger. When we use any words that address their problems, try to express them in a rather acceptable way. For example, instead of telling your parents or grandparents to get long-term care services, tell them there are professional assistants to help them gain back their control.

8. Compensating for the hearing deficit

Hearing loss is normal among seniors over 65 years old. About 25% of older adults between the ages of 65 and 75 have hearing problems, and this rate increases to 50% for individuals over 75 years old. Here are some suggestions for communicating with someone who has such problems:
Make sure the senior is wearing hearing aids.
Talk slowly and clearly without raising tones.
Face the person directly so they can read your lips.
Keep a piece of paper and a pen nearby so you can write when they can’t hear.
When about to change the subject, give clear clues.

Tips on communicating with seniors during different stages of dementia

Early-stage:

Challenges: individuals can have meaningful conversations and engage in interactions at the early (mild) stages of dementia. However, they may repeat their sentences and sometimes won’t find the right words to describe their needs and feelings.
Solutions: Minimise distractions while the conversation is going. Look for clues that the senior provides verbally or non-verbally. Be patient, be clear on the words you are going to say, and find a gentle tone and voice to deliver your ideas.

Middle stage:

Challenges: Most seniors are in the middle (moderate) stages of dementia, which can last for years. As the disease progresses, seniors will have difficulties understanding long sentences and reading facial expressions. They might show reduced interest in continuing a conversation. In some cases, they may lose part of their ability to finish sentences.
Solutions: Patience becomes particularly important at this point. Try to turn questions into answers and offer options if possible. It’s different from what we have mentioned above about “ask instead of assuming” since the individuals at this stage are most likely unable to provide a clear answer. Repeating on request is also necessary, given that the seniors need more time and effort to understand the information. If necessary, use body language to aid the conversation.

Late-stage:

Challenges: Seniors with advanced dementia are incapable of comprehending most words. In certain cases, they become non-verbal.
Solutions: Making verbal conversation is nearly impossible for individuals in the late stages of dementia, but it doesn’t mean you quit communicating with them. Body languages become quite useful in information delivery. It is highly recommended to use stimulations such as smell, touch, or music to elicit their interest in engaging in an interaction.

The bottom line

Communication deserves lifelong learning. It doesn’t stop just because you are familiar with the other person. Talking to your loved one sometimes needs more skills to achieve a satisfying result for both parties – especially when the person you talk to has some degree of cognitive issues. Still, it doesn’t mean that making a smooth conversation with them is a mission impossible. Remember, making the other person comfortable in a conversation is the key to success. It may take many times of trying and lots of observation, but it’s all worth it for building a good connection with your loved one.

References:

https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/eight-tips-for-talking-to-your-aging-parents-about-important-issues/

https://dailycaring.com/how-to-communicate-with-an-aging-parent-who-wont-listen/

https://gerontology.ku.edu/sites/gerontology.drupal.ku.edu/files/docs/GSACommunicating%20with%20Older%20Adults%20low%20Final.pdf

Are you a caregiver? Are you the only caregiver for your loved one？

Family Caregivers roles and responsibilities

A family member who regularly provides support or care to an older adult without pay is a family caregiver. A family caregiver can be the partner, daughter, son, sister, brother, etc.

In general, family caregivers are responsible for providing support in 3 main areas: health and medical care (such as managing medicines), daily tasks assistance (such as housekeeping), and emotional support (providing companionship is one of them!). Here’s a table summarizing significant activities and tasks family caregivers should do for older adults. Feel free to check it as a reference.

The question is, when is it time to provide regular support to our loved ones? We know that you are concerned about your aging parent’s health, and remember, we are always with you! Here are some warning signs of health issues for aging people, but again, use it only as a guide to gauge how your beloved parents are doing and what you can do if they need help!

Are your parents able to keep up with daily routines?

We know that sometimes parents may not explicitly state their needs, or perhaps they haven’t even noticed that they need help. Always pay attention to your parents’ appearance and check whether they can take care of themselves. Do they take longer to shower? Are their clothes neat? Are they neglecting housework? Reasons are always covered behind some “unusual” behavior, so be observant, be patient, and anticipate! You can encourage regular medical checkups and contact professionals for guidance.

Are your parents experiencing memory loss?

Memory loss is a noticeable sign of normal aging or even dementia. Sometimes you may see scorched pots, which could mean your parents forget about cooking on the stove. But there’s still a difference between regular changes in memory and the type of memory loss that makes it hard to do daily tasks such as driving and shopping. Please check out our previous blog for more information on aging memory loss vs. dementia signs.

Are your parents still social?

In addition to physical wellness, it accounts for social connection and emotional support. Family caregivers should always take some time every day and talk to their parents about their activities. For instance, are they still connecting with friends and engaging in daily activities? Are they still involved in clubs they used to attend? If your parents give up being with others, spend more time with them to help them stay mentally healthy.

Common family conflict seniors and caregivers may face

When considering how to provide the best quality health care for parents, siblings are often at odds when faced with what’s best. Disagreements and arguments are all-too-common among families, but no worries, CareStory is here to help you out.

Who will provide care?

Often, family members may have different opinions about the best approach to caring for a senior loved one. Two major concerns are:

1. How much care does our beloved senior need?

2. Who should provide the care?

If your family is quite large and you have many siblings, the conflict may intensify. For example, a family member may feel forced to carry all of the burdens of care, probably because the other siblings live too far away. Consider whether it is possible to arrange for family members to take turns giving care to parents, and please, never overburden your siblings!

Moreover, family members who live far from their loved ones can also provide long-distance care! They can provide more financial support or arrange home care services to support their siblings caring for their parents.

Living arrangements

Decision on living arrangements is always a significant concern since seniors have many alternatives.

Is it a better choice for our loved ones to live independently or with family members? Should we send seniors to a retirement home since they can enjoy more activities and make more friends there?

Besides considering the given care aspects, emotional and social connection accounts for a great deal, and we should always talk to our seniors and discuss their willingness to go elsewhere.

How to solve conflicts and become better family caregivers

After uncovering the major factors and reasons contributing to your family conflict, it’s time to address the conflict and become united family caregivers!

Assign a sibling as the primary caregiver

Whether your parents are, it’s important to appoint one sibling as a “primary caregiver” to help when and wherever possible for parents. As primary caregivers, they are expected to regularly update parents’ information and arrange tasks for the other siblings. Like how care staff rotates shifts, the primary caregiver also needs to rotate shifts. In this way, each primary caregiver can take the lead and share caregiving responsibilities. Also, each sibling needs to have some time away from their caregiving work to prevent caregiver burnout.

Schedule caregiver responsibilities

After the primary caregiver is assigned, it’s time to schedule the responsibilities! All siblings excel in different areas, so why not use each sibling’s talents, abilities, and hobbies as a reference when assigning tasks? For instance, the sibling who is good at accounting may be far better suited for dealing with parents’ financial matters. The sibling who loves sports can be the parents’ walking and exercising companion. If you are a long-distance caregiver who lives far away from your parents and cannot visit them often, no worries, you can still contribute! Want to learn more about long-distance care and long-distance support? Feel free to read another blog post from CareStory!

Discuss different care options

However, no matter how you split up caregiving tasks and responsibilities, you may see some siblings doing more than others. For example, siblings who live closer to parents may provide more care since they are more able to do so. Therefore, sometimes additional support should be discussed.

How about using retirement home services? Should any home care services be arranged?

If parents start to face more serious cognitive challenges, which nursing homes should you choose?

We know these are topics that need further research and discussion, and here’s another blog post that might help you better understand long-term care. Check it out!

References:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/caregivers/in-depth/aging-parents/art-20044126

https://companionsforseniors.com/2019/09/senior-caregiving-family-disagreements/

https://homecareassistance.com/blog/10-resolutions-for-family-disagreement-on-finding-care

https://www.caregiverstress.com/geriatric-professional-resources/professional-development/ clinical-empathy-a-key-tool-for-client-care/

As usual, it’s storytime. Let’s talk about Long-Distance Caregiving!

Trevor has taken care of his beloved grandparents since 2018, which is one of the reasons he applied for medical school. In 2020, he officially became an MD-PhD candidate at UChicago, but his parents and grandparents still live in Las Vegas. Currently, his grandparents are in long-term care homes. His parents still live in their home, and every day, a home care professional provides them with the required medical care and assists them with daily activities.

Indeed, Trevor is a long-distance caregiver because his grandparents are not in the same city as him, but does it also mean that a caregiver who lives in the same town as their loved ones is not a long-distance caregiver?

What is Long-Distance Caregiving?

Here’s a pop-quiz for you to see if you are a long-distance caregiver.

Q1: Is there any older adult who needs your care? For instance, your parents or your grandparents.

Q2: Do you live far away from them? Do you have to spend an hour or more to visit your loved one who needs care?

Living in the same city as your loved one who needs care doesn’t guarantee that you are not a long-distance caregiver. According to the U.S. National Institutes on Aging, all individuals who live an hour or more away from the elderly who need care should consider themselves long-distance caregivers. So if both your answers are “Yes,” you are indeed a long-distance caregiver.

What can a long-distance caregiver do from afar?

As a long-term care home volunteer in Chicago, Trevor has cared for and assisted many local seniors. But what can he do for his beloved grandparents far away in Las Vegas? You may have a similar question, and if that’s the situation you’re facing now, keep reading this blog article to check out options for the support you can provide for them!

Medical support

When you find your loved ones face some of the adverse effects of aging, you need to talk with them about their health issues. We know that sometimes it could be hard to start the conversations since older adults may resist this topic, but you should always keep trying and prepare medical support they may need in advance.

“Can my parents & grandparents take care of themselves?”

“Do they need additional assistance from others?”

If you figure out that they need additional support, arrange for in-home care and hire a professional caregiver to take care of them. Also, prepare required prescription drugs and durable medical equipment. If the situation gets worse, you should find more local resources and locate 24/7 care for your loved ones in an assisted living community or a long-term care home.

Financial support

Financial support is always a huge component. This not only means long-distance caregivers are responsible for paying the bill but also means they should be in charge of money management for their parents. For instance, check on your loved one’s health care and health care insurance coverage, and decide whether you should purchase more or different insurance for them.

Emotional support

Older adults are at higher risk for loneliness and social isolation, especially for seniors who live alone and live far away from their children. Just like how children need a connection from their parents, your parents need your connection, greetings, and psychological support as well. It’s a good idea to call them frequently, chat with them, identify their needs and fulfill them!

In addition, there are also some challenges of long-distance caregiving that are often mentioned.

How can I stay connected with my beloved aging parents and grandparents?

We understand that providing long-distance caregiving is hard, but staying connected is always an excellent start! First things first, the direct connection between you and your beloved aging family members is essential. So, always keep in touch with your parents through instant messaging. In addition to phone calls, using video calls is another excellent option! But try to find and use an App that is senior-friendly; for example, the UX design should be straightforward and transparent so seniors can quickly see how to make a call. Also, the size of the characters should be significant. Presbyopia is a pretty common aging sign, so always keep that in mind. Besides that, plan more in-person visits ahead of time.

Another way to stay in touch with them is through indirect contact. Remember that your loved ones probably only mention the positive side. Try to find people who live near your loved ones, and provide a more realistic picture of the situation, for instance, home care professionals and neighbors.

I don’t know what I can do when emergency issues take place

Always be prepared beforehand! Sometimes, long-distance caregivers may not even notice that their beloved aging adults are experiencing emergency issues! One possible way to eliminate this danger is to know and get the available resources and services near them ready, just in case.

“Are the family doctors available when my loved ones feel sick? How can I reach them?”

“Can the neighbors give the other hand when my loved ones face difficulties? How can I reach them?”

And always, always prepare an emergency backup plan. We also encourage you to have a backup plan B!

Long-distance caregiving during COVID

During COVID, individuals are more likely to face travel restrictions. Countries temporarily close their borders, cities temporarily shut down, and long-distance caregiving situations occur more frequently. Trevor is one of the populations affected, and we are sure that some have suffered far more than he has – long-distance caregivers living overseas. People have had to cancel their visits, and their loved ones rely entirely on local care services and assistance.

Moreover, virtual technology becomes another challenge for both the elderly and long-distance caregivers. Communication relies highly on wireless technology, and families adapt to virtual family caregivers and have video calls more often. Additionally, long-distance caregivers should also keep in touch with their parents’ or grandparents’ neighbors and prepare some backup resources just in case.

How to deal with these issues

One possible way to address this issue is to use technology to track your parents’ health indicators and daily performance regularly. Try to find an approach to record their daily activities and collect instant information and messages from home care staff and neighbors. Moreover, find a senior-friendly communication app so your parents and grandparents can quickly start and answer calls. Most importantly, provide as much detailed information as possible so that home care professionals and neighbors can better help your parents. And you know what? CareStory is perfect for that!

So, how does CareStory work? Well, try it. Scan Jasmine Levy’s QR code in the picture to experience the transformative power of how CareStory promotes connection and empathy and improves your provided long-distance care. You know what? We want to offer you a demo and start your free trial of CareStory!

Reference:

https://www.rensco.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/Aging_NYC_long-distance-caregiving.pdf

Newer Posts

The day begins, busy as usual at nursing home.

Ann arrived at her office early to sort and organize her files that she’s going to need for the day. Suddenly, the phone rings, interrupting her work.

“Hey John, what’s going on?” Ann asked as she answered the phone. John is Ann’s brother, and he never calls her on weekday mornings, so she knew that something unusual must have happened.

“I just received a call from the nursing home,” replied John. “The staff told me that dad is going to be be evicted.”

“What? What for?” asked Ann, shocked.

“They said he always screams and is rude to the caregivers and other residents. He always says he wants to leave,” he explained

“Did you argue with them?” asked Ann, irritated. John, you know that’s the dementia talking. He can’t help it. What they’re doing is just so unfair and cold-blooded!”

Ann hung up the phone. She felt angry, confused and ashamed, all at the same time.

We know situations like this are awful, and it makes people angry, too. But it does happen. Today, we’ll discuss about becoming evicted from a long-term care home and what we can do to safeguard our loved ones if this happens.

Why Nursing Home Evicted Residents:

Normally speaking, a nursing home can’t evict a resident and there are regulations to prevent this from happening. However, if the reason for eviction falls under the exemptions to the law, their actions may be justified.

If the nursing home follows regulations carefully, their eviction will be legal. The common exemptions of eviction would be as follows.

Financial Issues

If the resident is not able to pay the bill, and his or her health benefits don’t apply in the nursing home, it could be the reason for eviction. However, there are always government funded assisted living homes that could help low-income seniors.

Behavioral Issues That Create Risks For Other’s Health and Safety

Although most nursing homes have developed senior behaviour management strategies, if the senior’s behaviour is hard to control and causes a threat to other residents and the staff, the home will have sufficient reason to ask the resident to leave.

Nursing Homes Can No Longer Meet the Medical Needs

If the resident needs more personal care and personal assistance, and these needs cannot be provided by the nursing home, the home will suggest his or her family to transfer the resident somewhere else that can assist them better.

The Home is Closing Down

It is obvious – if the nursing home is going out of business, no one is going to stay!

What Is There To Do When Facing Eviction?

Understand Your Loved One’s Situation

The nursing home should have a justified reason to propose an eviction, so you can make better relocation choices according to your loved one’s health condition.

Find A New Home

Find Home Care

What If I Don’t Agree with Their Decision?

Assessing The Eviction: carefully assess written notice given 30-60 days in advance, a summary of reasons for eviction, and post-discharge plan (alternative care)

Appealing the Fischarge: to appeak, contact the local ombudsman, get a lawyer involved, or ask for legal aid.

In order to have voluntary eviction, the eviction notice should contain the following:

Written notice given 30 days in advance

A summary of reasons for eviction

Post-discharge plan of alternative care

The full contact information of ombudsman program

If you are not satisfied with the eviction, you can always appeal an involuntary discharge notice, and it is your right to do it.

A lawyer could also be useful in this situation. They can ensure that the home is not trying to skirt the law, and it is better to seek legal representation as soon as you get the result.

At the End:

True love can happen at any age.

Jay’s wife died 12 years ago, however they had separated many years before her death. Just when everyone thought Jay would “die alone”, he found “the one” just two weeks after moving into a long-term care home.

“Rose is a special woman,” gushed Jay to his family and friends. “I never really thought I could fall for someone after 50.”

Actually, everyone knew Jay met someone before he started talking about her. He started buying flowers, paying much more attention to his looks, and always had a smile on his face. These are all telltale signs to indicate that someone is in love.

Doing all kinds of romantic things with Rose makes Jay feel young again; however, there is one topic that can’t be avoided, especially with elderly lovers: SEX. This has been bothering Jay for a while.

“We love cuddling naked and fondling one another, but I can’t stop thinking about how old I am,” continued Jay, shyly.

“We have a couple age-related concerns when it comes to sex, but it is a little embarrassing mentioning it to others. An 80-year-old man wanting to have sex? It would make people’s jaws drop!”

It’s not uncommon that Jay possesses such a thought. Sex is a relatively sensitive topic itself. However, people more so tend to intentionally ignore the sexual needs of the elderly because it is uncomfortabl. This is why some seniors feel embarrassed to even put it on the table.

There are some beliefs about sex in seniors that are commonly held by society, and not all of them are true.

Common Beliefs of Sex in Old Age. What’s Wrong & What’s Right?

Wrong:

Sex Is For the Young

It is right that sexual functioning declines after middle age, but sex is never just for young people to enjoy. In fact, a study at Duke University has shown that 30% of married couples over 75 years old are still sexually active.

Old People Are Not Interested In Sex

Human sex interest can start as early as age 10 to 12, and last throughout life. In fact, according to statistics from the same study, 50% of 80-year-olds still have moderate libido.

Right:

There Are Physical Restrictions

There Will Be Emotional Barriers

However, having challenges doesn’t mean that good sex doesn’t exist after you enter old age. We at CareStory did our research, and found some pointers to overcome these challenges, and help you to have a healthy sex after 60!

How To Overcome Challenges

Nutrition and Exercise

Use Non-Penetrating Methods

Explore More Positions

Diseases such as arthritis causes pain and can make many sex positions uncomfortable. So, it is important to discover more positions with your partner that help to alleviate pain but also allow you to be active.

Speak To Health Care Providers (Family Doctor, Sex Therapists)

If they can’t provide useful suggestions, ask them to refer you to a family therapist or a sex therapist. there are always solutions to your problems.

Communicate With Your Partner

Build Confidence

Safe and Better Sex

Use a Condom and Lubricant

Foreplay

Lack of foreplay can make it harder for you to enjoy sex, which you have probably heard. So tease and kiss your partner’s body in a gentle way, and take it slow. Foreplay will relieve your tension and fatigue, and is specifically essential in female arousal.

Use Sex Toys

Use Your Month or Hands

Sexual Positions

As we have said before, some physical or mobility issues will hamper you from having an enjoyable sexual experience. So, try sexual positions that can decrease stress on the knees and back. Here, we recommend missionary and spooning positions, which are less aggressive than many other positions.

Explore Erogenous Zones

Sexual Expression and Dementia

Behaviors Expressed Publicly Without Regard For Others

Some seniors with dementia will masturbate or behave sexually in public since the change in brain function causes a lack of control of urges. Sometimes, it can also be attributed to tight clothing or the hot temperature of a room.

Misinterpreting Touches, Smiles, and Hugs as Sexual Invitations

Some intimate behavior can deliver the wrong messages to seniors with dementia since, again, the disease will change how the person understands other people’s behaviors and actions.

Sexual Acts With Someone Who’s Not Their Spouse.

Your Loved One Has Dementia and is Demonstrating Hypersexuality – Now What?